I feel pretty damn good this morning. No, it's not the painkillers... I just feel a lot better now that I am no longer sad about my brother moving to Tennessee. I love him-that is LOVE no IN LOVE to some sick bitches who can't tell the difference-but, it's like when Helen accused me of being in love with my own brother...............I just...gods...It reflects badly on him to even be in her company and makes me wonder what kind of person my brother truly is. I mean I bet he didn't say a damn thing to her when I told him. I'm over being embarrassed about it now though. He never thought I had the right to feel sad anyways or something like that about his move...or maybe it was to make him feel bad-which I didn't do on purpose.
I feel eerily well this morning though. It's almost like there is no bad left anywhere inside and I'm not used to a feeling like that. I actually laughed again--and not at something my best friend said, because she always knows how to make me laugh no matter what. I just did it for no reason at all.
On another note Russell is making me worry. I hate when I get unexplainable attachments to people and can't figure shit out. I won't post his stuff for everyone to know about, because I promised I'd take it all to my grave, but he's having such a hard time dealing with life and I know how that is-I was twenty once and I still have yet to deal with all of my shit. I tried to make him feel better, to say the things that could mean something, even telling him a few private things that would show him that he could trust me and that it is possible to be okay after having gone through shit. It worked and he opened up and left that part of the conversion telling me I was "awesome". I only just hope he took something away from the four hours we talked aside from my rant about how Hollywood has no original horror film ideas and has to keep ripping off Asian horror or remaking ones that were already great. I just hope that he will be okay. I also hope that people will see that the last thing he needs now is more bullshit. Wake up parents and shut the fuck up "friends".
Lisa is pregnant again. However, she actually really seems happy and the guy she is with actually really seems to give a damn. He seems very sweet and caring. I want that for her. I want her to be okay. I want Dani to be okay. I still love them both immensely, but the distance has been a godsend...
I don't know where my future will take me, but I'm hoping it will take me to Massachusetts. I miss Jen terribly even though I talk to her most every day. It's just really nice to have someone that knows everything about you and is still around. She puts up with my bullshit and has been through a lot of my drama with me. I'm hoping to lessen that in the future by the way...the drama that is. Although, we both seem to be magnets for it. lol
On personal notes here I got my tooth ripped out the other day and it's still a little swollen, but it's getting better. The dentist gave me a higher dosage of hydrocodone. I haven't taken any yet, but I'm about to because it's starting to bother me.
I'm just tired of all of the negativity and the sadness. I'm happy for it to end. Of course I still think Jim will get up there to Tennessee to live and supercunt will find some drugs and they'll both spend their time being high and living off of her crazy check, his insurance check and his dad's money but, it's not my business. It's not that-I'm not even gonna lie I do care-it's just that I don't want to deal with it anymore. I will say one thing though...if she gets him back on drugs I'm going to show her why it's probably not a good idea to mess someone I love.
Take care all...
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